One of those sleepless nights... you know when you're tired but you can't fall asleep, its like your mind won't shut off.
I don't know why but every time I can't fall asleep I always seem to think about the past.. memories.. the people, good and bad times. I've been looking through some old pictures and I realized pictures never change, only the people in them do. I miss them so much... my childhood friends, my used to be bestfriend.. you know, the people that are no longer in my life.
I wish I could go back to yesterday, when things were so simple.. when happiness was eatting a freezy in the sun, when the only pain we felt was bruises and scratches, I feel like as life goes on.. happiness is so hard to find, and it's not as simple as it used to be, now the only pain that can kill us is heartache.
Sometimes I wish it was possible to go back in time so I can fix all my mistakes, cherish all the good times and un-do all the bad times, not saying that I had the best childhood because I really didn't.. but atleast I know I didn't need a reason to smile.
I remember when I was a little girl, all i played with was cars, robots, airplanes... boy toys but suprisingly those were the best times. Then I discovered to play with dolls, princess, castles ... pretty things thats when I realized, this is who I am... felt like I was a lonely princess living in a castle waiting for my prince charming lol, but as I grow up I learned that things don't fall from the sky.. prince charming, pretty white horse .. those things only happen in fairytales.
I can't lie until now, I still have hope that it's true.. well not actually finding your prince charming but finding someone who loves you with all their heart, true love.. I believe it does exist.
I don't know if I can say I've found my "Prince charming" but I know i've found love, It came to me when I least expected, the weakest, and hopeless.. I met my soulmate.
I don't wish for this to be like a fairytale because fairytale has endings and I don't hope for this to end, all my life I wish for someone who could put up with me, my negative traits.. super needy & princess - like... things about me that I can never admit to. Growing up being so isolated, I've turned cold as ice, and I never thought I would find someone that could bring the loving and warmth side out of me, I thought it was hidden so deep that it was impossible to be found. I finally found someone who would willingly hand me the world without a doubt, who never gave up on me, someone who put me as a priority, because I never believed in being an option. Even though life isn't as simple as it used to be, when happiness is based on a freezy but happiness to me now is making a home cooked meal, grocery shopping, late night drives & long walks around the park, or maybe I just turned into a grandma ahhahah. Even though life is not filled with rainbows & unicorns... but laughters and tears, atleast I know this happiness I feel is real.
Now & then..
Thursday, May 22, 2014 ♡ 5:24 AM